Lately I find myself either realllllly excited about photography and what’s happening, or really discouraged and feeling like I am going no where. The only way to really calm my nerves about my wide-open future is through worship + prayer as I find it brings me back to focusing on what really matters, and forgetting my worries.
In my Bible study, I’ve lately found myself in John and today I came upon something that really made me think about how I see my current situation. This exchange takes place in John 12: 12-17. In this section, Jesus fulfills the prophecy written years before about him being a King who rides on a donkey. However, “His disciples didn’t understand at the time that this was a fulfillment of prophecy. But after Jesus entered into his glory, they remembered what had happened and realized that these things had been written about him.” The disciples saw Jesus riding on a donkey, but didn’t understand till later that he was fulfilling the prophecy.
Thinking back upon the events of my life, I can clearly now see God’s hand orchestrating me through the changes of life. Things that I couldn’t even plan. Things that in the moment felt like burdens, struggles, worries, setbacks. This past year has been busy, stressful, changing and new; however, in this past year my husband has finished teacher’s college, gotten a job, we’ve bought our first car, I started a business, and just recently we bought our first house. I can clearly see God’s hand on our family looking back, but why can’t I see it in the moment? Why can’t I realize that in those moments of desperation and worry over what our future holds, my heavenly Father was holding my hand the whole time and telling me not to worry. Why can’t I just trust him and know that He is taking care of us, and that the prophecy that he has over my life will come to pass? I don’t know what my Father has planned for my life, but I know it is beautiful. I don’t want to be someone who looks back and sees my heavenly Father being there with me after I have passed the struggle, I want to be someone who sees Him and feels Him in every moment of the struggle. And I’m ashamed to admit that in my moments of struggle, I’ve failed and worried and stressed over how things were going to come together. Knowing you are not alone often helps us so much to feel that we share a connective presence with someone else, that someone else can feel you, understand you and where you’re coming from and know your pain. I know my heavenly Father has so much more for me than worry and anxiety over these small matters in life.
With that said,
If I never have the money to buy a new lens, God is still good.
If I never get another chance to second shoot a wedding, God is still good.
If I never fulfill my dream of becoming a wedding photographer, God is still good.
If I don’t book another photography session again, God is still good.
*Edited to add*-I wrote this post yesterday as I was heading off to my night job of being a server, and hadn’t published it yet to the blog. As I was heading off to work, I got a possible second-shooting job for the end of the year and had the best night ever at work. God is still and always good.